Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
