70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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