I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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