So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
