i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize