I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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