I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
