If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
