Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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