Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
