His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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