Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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