How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
