Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That accounts for only three of the penises
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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