Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They have beer where we have blood.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize