wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
