he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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