Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
