If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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