So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
