thus making me awesome and them whores
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
