I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize