you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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