Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
