spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
