I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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