Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
