Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
people are starting to question the shark bite story
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
