yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
