Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
