he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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