he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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