How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
