i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
