i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
