so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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