I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
