Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
