im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
