y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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