i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
