Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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