Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
