there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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