dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
