The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
