he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
