if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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