John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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