She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize