god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
