I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
