yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
