My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
