Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
