What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
