I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
