You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
