How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
