All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
