The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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