One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
