i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
