it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
