my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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