he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
